1. You are watching the evening news with your partner. A special report is aired on an issue you feel strongly about. You know your beliefs are contrary to popular opinion. Do you voice your somewhat "politically incorrect" views to your partner?
   
   

   	No way, we've talked about it before and I know it would start a fight.
   	No, I want to keep that part of my beliefs from him/her. I suspect that s/he would not be in agreement with me on this one.
   	No, my political opinions are none of my partner's business.
   	Only if s/he asks me how I feel about it.
   	Only if s/he voices the same opinion that I hold.
   	Yes, I don't hold controversial opinions back from my partner.
   	Yes, I have a moral obligation. I'll use any means available to set my partner straight.

2. You and your partner are out on a Sunday afternoon leisurely walk - or so you thought. After about 15 minutes of enjoying the air your partner is ready to just "pop in" his/her favorite shop. You know this can easily turn into an hour-long ordeal. You agree to go in, hoping s/he will be true to his/her word. After 45 minutes have passed, you are still hanging around the store. Do you bring up your frustration with your partner?
   
   

   	No, I won't bother him/her with my frustration.
   	No, I don't want to create hostility between us.
   	No, I drop a few hints and leave it at that if s/he doesn't catch on.
   	No, but I keep dropping hints (with decreasing subtlety) until s/he clues in.
   	Not directly, but I will act annoyed and/or bored.
   	Yes, it is only fair to us both that I express how I feel.
   	Yes, I would want to know if I were in his/her situation.
   	Yes, I'd be honest and tell him/her that I would rather continue our walk.
   	Yes, I would put my foot down and tell him/her I've had enough of his/her selfishness.
   	Yes, I would say something like, "I can't believe you would do this - choosing shopping over quality time with me!"

3. You have an evaluation session scheduled for next week with your boss/teacher. This could prove to be a very important meeting as far as your grades/salary are concerned. As the date looms near, you become more and more nervous. Do you discuss your feelings with your partner?
   
   

   	No, I don't want my partner to see my weaknesses.
   	No, I am uncomfortable discussing my fears with him/her.
   	No, my partner won't understand my feelings.
   	No, I want to keep my work/school life separate from my personal life.
   	Only if s/he notices something's up and asks me about it.
   	Only after the fact, when it is all over with.
   	Yes, I would mention it but make it sound like no big deal.
   	Yes, I would mention it but only elaborate if s/he expresses interest.
   	Yes, s/he will be supportive of me.

4. You are daydreaming on a Saturday afternoon about what it would be like to leave your current life and start everything over again in a new place, with a new job, and a new romance. Your partner notices your distant gaze and asks what you are thinking about. How do you respond?
   
   

   	I share my whole daydream, sparing no detail.
   	I share my whole daydream, dropping the new romance and working him/her into the equation.
   	I make up something less personal like, "I was thinking about my investment portfolio."
   	I say, "It's silly," and try to change the subject.
   	I lie and say that my brain was empty; I was just staring into space.
   	I share a bit of the daydream, mentioning my longing for change.
   	I say, "Oh, just daydreaming," and elaborate a little if asked.
   	I say, "Oh, just daydreaming," but don't share any details even if asked.

5. Your partner is late for a dinner date. When s/he arrives s/he is hobbling and looks very flustered. When you ask what is going on, s/he launches into a graphic description of the painful wart s/he has growing on his/her foot. How do you feel following an exchange of this type?
   
   

   	Disgusted - way too much information for my taste.
   	Uncomfortable - I prefer not to know these kinds of details.
   	A bit put-off, but I can tolerate it.
   	A little bit surprised, but I am able to get over it.
   	Warm and cozy inside - I don't love to hear about warts but it is nice to know my partner can tell me just about anything.
   	Fine - this isn't exactly dinner conversation, but I don't mind.

6. At your office party your partner makes a rather unsavory comment about another cultural group. You know s/he was trying to be funny when making the remark, but it was blatantly disrespectful. You are embarrassed for your partner and for yourself. What do you do?
   
   

   	I ignore my partner for the rest of the evening, sending the message that I am not impressed.
   	I pretend I didn't hear the remark and continue chatting, never bringing it up.
   	I cringe and look away from the other guests, but I don't bring it up with my partner later on.
   	I give him/her a dirty look, but I don't bring it up with my partner later unless s/he does.
   	I give him/her a dirty look, but wait for a quiet moment alone to bring it up.
   	I keep quiet and later when we are alone, I mention the impropriety of his/her comments.
   	I move my partner away from the other guests and, in a non-threatening tone, tell my partner that s/he was disrespectful.
   	I move my partner away from the other guests and angrily tell him/her that s/he has just made a fool of me.

7. A stranger has asked you to let her/him cut in the line. When you decline, he tries to get back at you by ridiculing one of your physical attributes, one that you tend to be self-conscious about. You know very well that s/he is just being mean and totally inappropriate. Still, the comment really hurt your feelings. Do you share the experience with your partner?
   
   

   	Yes, I call him/her ASAP to recount the traumatic incident.
   	Yes, the next time we happen to speak.
   	Yes, eventually - after the sting of the comments has lessened, and I am feeling better about myself.
   	Yes, but I will leave out how much the comments hurt my feelings.
   	No, I don't feel comfortable talking about my insecurities with my partner.

8. You had a fight with your friend and s/he told you some unflattering things about your personality. You feel s/he was being unfair for the most part, but there were arguments that had certain merit. Do you discuss it with your partner?
   
   

   	Yes, I call him/her ASAP to recount the traumatic incident.
   	Yes, the next time we happen to speak.
   	Yes, eventually - after the sting of the comments have lessened, and I am ready to face my insecurities.
   	No, I only discuss the fight itself, skipping all the unflattering comments that hit home.
   	No, I keep the whole episode to myself; I don't want my partner to hear any negative things about me.

9. You do something shameful (tell a lie, steal something, hurt someone on purpose, etc.) and you are feeling really bad about it. Do you share your experience?
   
   

   	Yes, I tell my partner what I did and how it makes me feel.
   	Sort of; I tell my partner that I did something I am ashamed of (without being specific) and then tell him/her how it makes me feel.
   	I'll reveal certain details if my partner asks what is bothering me.
   	No, I am too ashamed to tell anyone - especially my partner.
   	No, I am too ashamed to tell anyone - even my partner.

10. Over dinner one evening your partner makes a moral statement that makes your blood boil. You are stunned that s/he would say something like that. You are clearly coming from different directions. How do you deal with his/her comment?
    
    

    	I clam up, I don't want him/her to know how I feel.
    	I clam up, I can't talk rationally to someone with such a closed-minded opinion.
    	I shoot him/her a dirty look to show that I don't agree.
    	I pretend to be in agreement with his/her view.
    	I hold my tongue unless s/he continues pushing my buttons in which case I let him/her have it.
    	I hold my tongue unless s/he continues pushing my buttons in which case I hesitantly express my disagreement.
    	I carefully explain how I feel on the issue and then agree to disagree.
    	I explain where I am coming from on the issue and try to convince him/her that I am in the right.
    	I call him/her a moron and explain in detail why.
    	I tell him/her that hearing such comments hurts my feelings and suggest that, if we are to stay together, we need to work through our differences.

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