1. You get home from work at the end of a long week. You feel like going to the movies, but you've made no plans - you're waiting for your partner to return from work. When you partner comes home, s/he excitedly announces that s/he has big plans for the evening with his/her roommate from college/school. The two of them are going to go to the same diner they frequented back then - to relive the old days. How do you react?
   
   

   	I throw a temper tantrum.
   	I resist openly, but am able to be cajoled into complacency.
   	I feel disappointed about it and signal it in a subtle way - enough to show my displeasure, but without saying anything.
   	I feel momentarily disappointed and wish him/her off cheerfully.
   	I am perfectly fine with it.
   	I fully appreciate that s/he is leaving me in solitude for the evening.

2. Your partner comes home quite obviously in a bad mood. S/he isn't being rude with you, but you can see that there is something on his/her mind. S/he doesn't volunteer any explanation and is definitely lost in his/her thoughts. When you said goodbye that morning, everything seemed fine. What do you do?
   
   

   	I say, "What the hell's eating you up?"
   	I assume that something I have done is the culprit and begin a guilt-driven inquiry.
   	I assume that something I have done is the culprit, say nothing, withdraw to a different room and worry about the future of our relationship.
   	I ask outright what's wrong.
   	I ask tentatively if anything might be bothering him/her.
   	In a light and humorous tone, I ask why she's acting so strangely.
   	I say nothing and leave the house so s/he can think.
   	I say nothing, but stick around him/her in case s/he wants to talk.
   	I say nothing and go to another room, but leave the door open.
   	I wait a while to see if the mood passes, then ask what's wrong.
   	I wouldn't dare ask what is wrong it's none of my business unless s/he wants to make it my business.

3. You and your partner go to a party. Both of you are equally acquainted with the hosts and the other people at the party. You aren't best pals, but may have had a few conversations with most of the people there. During the socializing, what do you typically do?
   
   

   	I stay by my partner's side, involved in the same conversations.
   	I make a concerted effort to keep away from my partner - I would rather socialize with other people.
   	I make a concerted effort to keep away from my partner - I bet that s/he would rather socialize with other people.
   	I stay by my partner, but get into different conversations.
   	I spend some time by your partner's side, and some time apart.
   	I let my partner drift or stick by me - as s/he wishes.

4. Are you aware of your partner's journal, diary, or personal letters?
   
   

   	Yes, I know where it is and I read it A to Z.
   	Yes, I know where it is and I've read some of it.
   	Yes, I know where it is - I happened upon it once, but I haven't read any of it.
   	Yes, I know where it is - I couldn't help but look, but I haven't read any of it.
   	No, I don't know where it is, and I haven't looked.
   	No, I don't know where it is, even though I've looked.

5. Do you read your partner's personal mail/email?
   
   

   	Yes, whether it is personal or business in nature.
   	Yes, but only if it is personal in nature.
   	Yes, but only if it is business in nature (we are in business together).
   	Yes, but only if it is business in nature (we are not in business together).
   	I have, but only rarely.
   	We are sharing an e-mail address.
   	No

6. You and your partner are sitting on the couch watching a movie. What do you do?
   
   

   	I put my head in my partner's lap.
   	I cuddle up, encouraging him/her to play with my hair/hold me close, etc.
   	I sit, touching his/her legs or hand, and only cuddle if my partner initiates it.
   	I sit, touching his/her legs or hand and cuddle up occasionally.
   	Sit far apart.
   	I don't cuddle - I don't want to appear needy.

7. The phone rings and it is for your partner. You are busying yourself about the house but perceive that your partner seems quite excited on the phone. When s/he hangs up, s/he doesn't say anything about the call, but looks pleased. What do you do?
   
   

   	I ask who called.
   	I ask what the phone call was about.
   	I ask lightly, "You're in a good mood - what's up?"
   	I ask suspiciously, "You're in a good mood - what's up?"
   	I say nothing for a day, then ask about the phone call.
   	I say nothing and forget about it.
   	I say nothing - I feel uncomfortable probing. S/he will tell me if s/he wants to.
   	I use *69 to see who called.
   	I check out the caller ID to see who called.
   	Ask his/her friends or family if they know about the phone call.

8. How much of your free time would you like to spend with your partner?
   
   

   	81-100%
   	61-80%
   	41-60%
   	21-40%
   	1-20%
   	0%

9. Your partner wants to take up a new hobby / take evening classes. S/he assumes that it's a solo thing - since you have really no interest in that area. What do you do?
   
   

   	I support him/her with all my heart.
   	I forbid her/him the activity - I could not stand him/her doing something like this alone.
   	I join her/him - that way, we can be together and s/he can still enjoy her interests.
   	I overtly support him/her but feel resentment.

10. Your partner is talking to her/his best friend and as you walk in, they stop. What do you do?
    
    

    	Then and there, I demand what they were talking about.
    	Then and there, I inquire with a smile what they were talking about.
    	I say, half-smiling, "Hi, talking about me?"
    	I grin, saying "Halt the rumors!" then follow it up with a casual "What's up?"
    	I say hello and don't mention their abandoned conversation, but feel very disconcerted about what they might have been saying.
    	I say hello without mentioning their abandoned conversation, but wonder momentarily what they were talking about, then quickly forget about it.
    	I say hi and don't even consider what they were talking about.

11. Typically, how often do you call your partner when you spend a day apart (for example, when one of you is at work)?
    
    

    	5 or more times day
    	3-4 times a day
    	1-2 times a day
    	less than once a day
    	never

12. If you could read your partner's mind (and could adjust the volume), what percentage of his/her regular thoughts would you like to have access to?
    
    

    	80-100%
    	60-80%
    	40-60%
    	20-40%
    	5-20%
    	1-5%
    	0%

13. To what degree do you usually inquire about what went on in your partner's day?
    
    

    	I ask about his/her every move each day.
    	I ask about the major things that s/he does each day.
    	My partner usually shares a certain amount of information and I ask for certain details.
    	My partner usually shares a certain amount of information and I don't ask for further elaboration, and that is fine.
    	I rarely ask much about my partner's days.
    	I have virtually no idea what my partner does from the time s/he gets up till s/he goes to bed, and I don't ask.
    	I don't feel that it's my place to ask about his/her day, so I only know what s/he volunteers.

14. How do you feel about your partner's exes?
    
    

    	They are a part of his/her history-nothing that affects the present.
    	I accept and don't mind the fact that there were others before me.
    	I accept the fact that there were others before me, but I feel slightly uncomfortable if there is a passing allusion to any of them.
    	I despise even a passing allusion about his/her romantic past.
    	I resent the fact that there were others but I can cope with it.
    	I don't want to know anything about them - I couldn't bear the thought of him/her being with someone else.

15. If it were up to you, how much public affection would you display?
    
    

    	We would be wrapped around each whenever physically possible.
    	We would be involved in constant physical contact (holding hands/arms around one another).
    	There would be physical contact most of the time.
    	We would be holding hands/arms around one another occasionally.
    	We would rarely show public affection.
    	We would never show public affection.

16. Your partner has never told you the details about some significant event of his/her past (death of a parent, divorce of parents, childhood trauma, past relationship, illness, etc). How do you get the low-down on what really happened?
    
    

    	I wait for the topic to come up, and cautiously ask for details.
    	Out of the blue, I ask for the whole story.
    	I wait for him/her to divulge portions, creating the story in my mind over time.
    	I try to get the story from his/her mother, sister, or friend.
    	It wouldn't occur to me in the first place to be interested in these details.
    	Although uninterested, I would certainly listen to my partner if s/he wished to divulge the story.
    	I would never dare ask about my partner's issues, but I would always wonder about it.

17. You and your partner are sitting at the kitchen table talking idly. The phone rings, and you glean that it is a friend of your partner's. What do you do?
    
    

    	I stay seated at the table and listen to every word of my partner's end of the conversation.
    	I busy myself in the kitchen while my partner talks, but all the while listen to the conversation.
    	I stay in the kitchen and tune out, unaware of most of the conversation.
    	I stay in the kitchen and tune in and out, getting about half of the conversation.
    	I leave the kitchen but make sure to stay close enough to catch snippets of the conversation.
    	I leave the kitchen and get out of earshot of his/her conversation.

18. Your partner has been having a rough week. S/he explains that s/he needs some thinking time and announces that s/he would like to be alone for the evening. How do you respond?
    
    

    	With rage - how dare s/he exclude me?!
    	With suspicion - why is s/he excluding me?
    	With concern - is something wrong-did I do anything wrong?
    	Several of the above
    	All of the above
    	With caution - okay, but this is slightly strange
    	With acceptance - fine, no problem
    	With relief-I too have been craving solitude

19. Your partner cheerfully announces that she s/he is going out for a walk - alone. How do you respond?
    
    

    	"Wait...I'm coming!"
    	"Can't I come?"
    	"Do you mind if I come?"
    	"Enjoy your walk!" (said in a cheerful way)
    	"Enjoy!" (with bitterness in my voice)
    	"Okay" (in an indifferent tone)
    	"Sure, whatever" (with a hint of sarcasm)
    	"Good! I need some space!"

20. Your partner is in a room with the door closed. You feel like talking. What do you do?
    
    

    	I knock and ask (through the door) whether s/he minds if I enter.
    	I knock, opening the door a crack and ask whether s/he minds if you enter.
    	I knock and immediately enter the room.
    	I open the door without knocking
    	I pass on by - if the door is closed, I assume s/he doesn't wish to be disturbed
    	I pass on by - I wouldn't want to risk invading his/her privacy.
    	I knock and ask (without opening the door) if s/he wants to come out and talk

21. In bed, you throw your arms around your partner and pull him/her close. S/he is asleep, but groans, looks displeased, and pushes you away. How do you feel?
    
    

    	Like s/he doesn't truly love me.
    	Slightly peeved, I think to myself, "What a grump!"
    	Fine - Oh well, I'll try again later.
    	Slightly disappointed, but understand that s/he's sleeping deeply.
    	Fine, s/he obviously doesn't want physical contact now.
    	I never pull my partner close to me in bed.

22. You and your partner are in a monogamous relationship. You have witnessed your partner flirting, on several occasions, with different people at parties. How would you approach the issue?
    
    

    	I would break off the relationship.
    	I would outright ask him/her whether s/he was having an affair.
    	I would ask him/her whether s/he was happy in the relationship.
    	I would follow him/her around, read e-mails, and lay traps.
    	I would hire a private detective to find out if s/he's up to something funny.
    	I would withdraw my affections from my partner.
    	I would act normally and just wait to see if my partner voluntarily brings it up.
    	It wouldn't bother me

23. Your third cousin invites you over to see slides of his/her vacation. She mentions that you can invite your partner, if you wish (she'll feed you lunch, too). You aren't sure whether your partner would like to come (or what his/her plans are). What are you most likely to say?
    
    

    	"So - the plans are made, we're going to my cousin's next Friday."
    	"My cousin has invited us over, are you into it?"
    	"My cousin has invited us over, please come - for my sake."
    	"My cousin has invited us over - I would like you to come, but don't feel obliged."
    	"My cousin has invited us over - you can come if you aren't busy"
    	I wouldn't say anything - I would rather be alone
    	I wouldn't say anything - I bet s/he doesn't want to get involved with my family.

24. You are away on a weekend trip (business trip, family get-together, etc.). You called your partner the night before just to check in and say hello, but now you miss your partner. You feel like hearing his/her voice. You know that s/he is over at a mutual friend's house playing cards (you know the number off by heart). What do you do?
    
    

    	I make a quick call to say a very brief "I miss you".
    	I call and ask if s/he feels like talking for a while.
    	I call his/her home and leave a message saying, "Call me immediately!"
    	I call and keep him/her on the phone as long as I can.
    	I resist the urge - no need to interrupt the game and pull my partner away from his/her friends.
    	I resist the urge - I don't want my partner to think I can't spend a night not thinking of him/her.

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